Does the idea of being happily divorced seem alluring lately? If so, your marriage has likely been struggling for a while now. And it’s getting to the point where you feel like ‘clearing the table’ and starting over.
Most people go through these feelings at some point in their marriage. Let’s face it: Although there are some serious upsides to marriage, there can also be some really deep valleys.
This could be due to several factors including:
- You don’t feel in love anymore
- There was a major breach of trust
- You get into regular arguments
- Finances are stressing you out
- In-law conflicts are interfering with your relationship
- You’ve become emotionally attached to someone else
- There’s no meaningful communication
- You don’t feel appreciated, loved or respected
- You worry you married the wrong person
- You feel like your spouse isn’t the same person you married
- A mental health disorder is diminishing your relational wellness
- Narcissism or gaslighting is a regular occurrence
- And the list goes on
There are days and possibly weeks where divorce seems like the best solution. Still, you have this nagging worry in the back of your mind.
You wonder, “Is divorce worth it in the end.” You definitely don’t want to suffer from divorce regret later on. At the same time, you don’t want to spend all of your energy saving a marriage that’s destined to fail.
Ultimately, the ‘should I get a divorce’ question is one only you can answer. Having said that, you know it’s a weighty decision that’ll significantly alter your life. Here are some more thoughts on the ‘should I divorce’ topic.
For Those Considering Divorce (Count the Cost)
What many who are new to divorce wonder is, “Will cutting ties with my spouse make my life happier?” Although there’s a sea of information out there that would lead you to believe divorce will make you happier, it’s mostly misguided.
Divorce should only be a last resort rather than a flippant decision. It will impact you and your family in significant ways for the rest of your lives.
Why is divorce so hard? Because it can be compared to a civil war in your own family. Allies that were originally believed to be ones that would fight to the bitter end for each other, instead, fight against each other. The results can be devastating.
And just like with actual war, the costs and heartache often exceed the expectations of all involved. Unless there are very extenuating circumstances (which there sometimes are), ‘war’ or divorce shouldn’t be an option. This is even more so when children are involved.
In her ‘Psychology Today’ article entitled 10 Losses You May Not Expect in Divorce, Ann Gold Buscho Ph.D. shares the following about the unanticipated depth of pain often involved in a divorce:
“I have found through my own divorce, and in talking with many divorcing clients, that it is impossible to imagine the losses you will experience or how deeply you will feel them.”
Should I Divorce or Not
Before going through with a divorce, it’s extremely wise to discuss this decision with a mental health professional. Regardless of what you decide, you want to make sure that you look back on your choice knowing you made the best decision.
Maybe the divorce isn’t your choice. Or maybe it’s already happened and you can’t go back and change it. Does that mean there’s no hope for you?
I just want to save you any unnecessary heartache if I can.
Having said that, if divorce has happened, you can fight to rebuild your life. You don’t have to go through your years feeling like a slave to your past or like a helpless victim.
You can allow this setback to make you stronger. Although your marriage didn’t work out how you hoped, you don’t have to let that heartache define you. If you refuse to give up, you’re not a failure. You’re a fighter.
The Happily Divorced Myth and Counseling
In summary, although there are times when divorce is necessary, the idea that one can easily arrive at being happily divorced is largely a myth.
Are you on the brink of divorce or have you been entertaining the idea for a while now? If so, the OC relationship Center can help you work through these challenging times in your marriage.
You don’t have to walk through the struggles alone. Our highly recommended team has assisted many couples going through similar challenges.
Serving the Mission Viejo, CA and Newport Beach, CA regions, we provide individual therapy, couples counseling and marriage counseling. Feel free to get in touch if you’d like to schedule an appointment with us. We look forward to meeting you!