You Do Not Have to Be the “Perfect Daughter” Anymore

There have been billions of daughters throughout the generations.

Guess what. None of them were perfect.

Not one.

Do you secretly put pressure on yourself to be the perfect daughter?

You need to stop and just be yourself. Here’s why.

Playing the Perfect Game

Want to play that game? Really, you don’t.

Two things will happen if you try.

You may end up extremely discouraged or depressed because you can’t be who you think your parents want you to be.

Or, you’ll begin the adventure of the double life. This option’s probably more common.

You project a perfect image when around your parents but are anything but when not in their company.

This can lead to risky decisions because internally something tells you you’re being unfair to yourself by trying to appear perfect. So, you rebel from that pressure whenever you can.

But the decisions you make when your parents aren’t looking could hurt you. And your parents will probably eventually find out anyway.

Giving up on Perfect Doesn’t Mean Giving up

So, you’re finally convinced that being the perfect daughter isn’t possible.

That doesn’t mean you should give up on forward progress. Progress is your real goal. Just small progress over time.

Imagine that you have a big garden. You don’t want a single weed in that garden but find that there is always one more to pick.

You could just give up and say, “what’s the point of weeding?”

But you probably wouldn’t be proud to show your garden to guests who stop by.
That garden is your life. Keep weeding. Continually work towards being a better person.

But be kind to yourself and stop fretting. Otherwise, you’ll give up trying or pretend that you’re trying when you’re really not.

Who Says You Need to Be Perfect, Anyway?

There’s a good chance that you only think your parents expect that of you. It may only be a flawed perception.

After all, we’re often harder on ourselves than we are on other people. Your parents are full of mistakes just like you are.

They should have the ability to love you through your failures and imperfections. They needed the same understanding from others to get to where they are today.

What If Your Parent Demands Perfection?

That’s not an impossible place to find yourself as a daughter. If that’s you, things won’t be quite so easy.

You need to give yourself permission not to be perfect even though you feel like it’s expected.

Sometimes, parents are too hard on their children because they want a better life for them than they had.

But that can be taken too far.

Try to gain your parent’s approval. It’s a satisfying thing to accomplish.

But also know that you won’t be able to always gain their approval. At times, you’ll need to courageously do what you must even without their approval.

In Summary

You can be a great daughter but not a perfect one. Let the beauty of progress mark your life instead of perfection.

In doing so, you’ll be as near perfect as you could be without all the stress, fear, guilt and sadness of unmet expectations. Schedule your appointment for either couples counseling or men’s counseling using our online scheduling tool, call us at (949) 220-3211, or text us.

How Do You Know Your Partner Is The One?

Looking for the ever-elusive relationship fairy to give you the nod? For her to tell you that you should marry your partner?

Good luck with that one!

Although there are plenty of emotions that go into a budding relationship, deciding if your partner is the one doesn’t need to be a mystical decision.

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to deciding. But here are some ways to help determine if your partner is “the one.”

Most Of The Time, You’re Happy

This is an important one because if you ask 10 different people how they knew their spouse was the one, you may get ten different answers.

It may have been because their partner made them laugh, was kind, romantic, responsible, physically attractive or any combination of things.

But boiled down, it meant that, most of the time, they were happier with their partner than unhappy.

It sounds very similar to what makes someone conclude they have a satisfying job. Most of the time, they are happy with it so they stick with it.

Conversely, if you increasingly find you’re unhappy in your relationship, this could be a sign to hold off.

Others Say Your Partner’s The One

You shouldn’t necessarily give up on a relationship if someone close to you doesn’t like your partner.

However, if you have more than one close friend or family member who thinks your significant other is the one, that’s worth paying attention to.

Your friends and family are able to maintain a less biased view of your relationship. While you’re worried about your relationship working and doing all you can to make it a success, they’re just watching.

Most of the time, those who know you best have a pretty good idea. They can easily tell if you become a better person because of the person you’re with or the opposite.

If you’re consistently happy, they pick up on that. If there’s a consistent dark cloud over your life that wasn’t there before your relationship started, there’s no way those closest to you won’t notice.

Spend A Lot Of Time With Them

Lastly, spend plenty of time with your partner before deciding to marry.

Spend enough time with them to know if you’re happy most of the time with them or not.

Marriage never should be a knee-jerk or desperation move. Those who hope marriage will “clean up” their relationship problems are almost always disappointed.

Make the reason you marry be because you can’t imagine going through life without your partner.

The more time you spend together, the less you’ll second guess your decision. You’ll just know. Schedule your appointment online using our online scheduling tool, call us at (949) 220-3211, or text us.

Empty Nesting—Is It Real?

Yes. It’s real.

Psychology Today describes empty nesting this way:

“feelings of depression, sadness and/or grief experienced by parents and caregivers after children come of age and leave their childhood home.”

What is Empty Nest Syndrome really? It’s the loss of a mission or role. For decades, you took care of your child in your house and now they’re no longer home.

With that role gone, it can be difficult to know what to do next.

Any major changes in life can cause sadness and depression.

This can happen in job gain and loss, retirement, moving, the loss of a family member, the birth of a child, a new adult trying to forge a path and in many other circumstances.

Empty nesting is a transition point and loss that can be difficult to handle and comes with some disillusionment.

Since empty nesting is real, here are some thoughts to help.

Varying Levels of Empty Nesting Sadness

Do your best to be sensitive to your spouse, family and friends who are going through empty nesting.

Each person’s symptoms are different. They can range from minor to severe depending on the person and their level of involvement in raising their child.

Telling those who are struggling that it isn’t real or to just “toughen up” only increases a person’s sadness.

Your Child Still Needs You

Your child may have recently left your home. They still need you, though. And that will always be the case.

Remembering this can help relieve some of your sadness. Some of the most meaningful and satisfying parent-child interaction happens after the empty-nest stage begins.

Yes, empty nesting marks the end of a mission. Every parent hopes for a well-adjusted child who can live on their own. You just helped to fulfill that mission.

Now you take on the role of mentor, life coach and friend to your child in a new way. You’re further down the path of life than your child and will be a great help.

Your children will value your input as you help them through the intricacies of life. You’ll also be a key influencer for your present or up-and-coming grandchildren.

Empty nesting may mark the end of a specific mission with your children but it by no means is the end.

In fact, your mission just became larger and arguably better. But it may take some time and sadness before this is easy to see.

The horizons for you and your child are broadening and that’s an exciting place to be. Schedule your appointment online using our online scheduling tool, call us at (949) 220-3211, or text us.