Whatever the cause, break-ups are painful and the experience of no longer being with someone you once loved can be extremely disorienting. It is often tempting to consider rekindling a past relationship, especially as time and nostalgia help you forget why the relationship ended. When you come to the point that you’re mentally listing all the reasons you should reconcile with an ex, you need to remind yourself of the many reasons why you shouldn’t get back together.
Remember that the relationship ended for a reason.
In the days and weeks following a break-up, it is easy to romanticize your relationship and gloss over what caused you to split up in the first place. But all relationships that end do so for a reason. Perhaps your partner was decided to take a job opportunity across the country and you couldn’t or didn’t want to move; maybe you weren’t able to agree on children. Whatever the cause, if the factors underlying the reasons for your break-up haven’t changed, any attempts to rekindle the relationship will only lead to more heartache.
Don’t let love confuse you.
Just because a relationship is over doesn’t mean that the tenderness and love that you and your partner felt for one another immediately disappear. There’s nothing wrong with feeling warmly about a former partner, but don’t confuse this affection for a cure for your relationship’s troubles. No amount of fondness can erase the reasons that you and your partner split.
Avoid letting familiarity sway you.
Particularly at the end of a long relationship, the close understanding that your and your partner shared makes the idea of reconciling very appealing. You already know each others’ likes and dislikes, habits and mannerisms; familiarity even gives your partner’s negative traits an attractive glow. But the convenience and comfort that familiarity affords doesn’t negate the reasons why your relationship didn’t work. Remind yourself that the cost of reentering a broken but familiar relationship is the new–and potentially successful–relationship you could be pursuing.
Keep in mind the possibilities that surround you.
At some point in every break-up, the possibility that there is no one else in the world that could make you happy flits through your mind. As time passes, you may become convinced that without your former partner, you will be alone forever. Nothing could be further from the truth. You pass scores of potential new partners every day on the street, in the subway or in line for lunch. If you keep your eyes and your mind open, possibilities lie around every corner.
There are also many times that your relationship CAN work. Just because it gets tough, it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship isn’t meant to be. It sometimes means you are moving into a more mature stage in the relationship. And this is where you get to examine the relationship in a new light.
Relationship counseling might be the answer to get your relationship back on track.
Our goal for you with relationship therapy is to help you find to a greater closeness and more happiness.