It’s always important to work through questions that will define your future path before getting married. But, often, couples are too distracted to get to that point.
First, pre-marriage relationships tend to be overshadowed by romantic love (especially infatuation). This is regularly accompanied by a blind optimism that leads those in the relationship to believe “things will just work out on their own.”
Also, there’s the need to make money, potentially decide on big career changes, consider relocation and plan for a wedding. The days leading up to marriage often don’t leave much time for reflecting on the most important thing.
The most important thing is that you build a healthy foundation for your marriage. Everything else is just details as pressing as it all seems.
So, what are some questions you should ask before tying the knot?
The first answer is, “Every question you possibly can!” The fewer post-marriage surprises, the better!
But, for the sake of this article, let’s look at some of the big questions.
Ask About How You’ll Handle Your Finances
It’s very true that life is about way more than money. But, in the event you find yourself without enough of it, your relationship will struggle from loads of increased stress.
Too often, those in a relationship attack each other and drift further apart in that case instead of working at the problem together.
The above broad question spawns a lot more financial discussion points including the following:
- How much debt do each of us have?
- What standard of living is important to us?
- Can we afford that standard of living?
- How much money do we plan to make collectively each year?
- What causes would we like to give to?
- Are we planners or impulsive spenders?
- Who will manage our finances?
- Should there be a certain amount of money we discuss with each other before spending? (Example: over $50 or $100)
- What are our current credit scores and why are the scores the way they are?
- Is there anything financially speaking that we’re hiding from each other?
- Should we use a budget?
- If we find ourselves in unexpected financial trouble, what should we do?
What Are Our Dreams and How Do We Accomplish Them?
By this, we mean where will you each fit best in life?
What is the greatest contribution you can offer society?
What form of work flows from you with energy instead of drudgery?
How can you avoid getting stuck in a role that doesn’t fit you?
Will one of you stay home and take care of the kids or will both of you work?
Often, finding where you fit best in life (your mission) is a long, sometimes painful process of trial and error. The goal should be that you both move closer and closer to your more-authentic self. You’ll benefit most from that and so will everyone around you.
Life is too short to not live it fully alive.
Don’t expect much outside help. Society will plunk you into any old job because there are positions that need filled. How you’ll be most fulfilled and the mission you have to fulfill in life will be a moot point.
Discuss how you’ll savagely stick up for each other’s dreams before marriage. Savage isn’t too strong of a word because you’ll need to go against the current.
What Constitutes Cheating?
Lastly, before marrying, talk about what each of you would consider cheating (making sure your conclusions are realistic and healthy).
Then, once you’ve found what those boundaries are, avoid infidelity like the plague.
Now is a great time to bring up past behaviors and relationships and what will need to change.
And as a reminder, like was said earlier, ask every question you possibly can before tying the knot. That way, you both will know exactly what you’re getting into. You’ll also enter your marriage far more prepared than most to handle whatever comes your way!
Need some extra support before getting married? Now could be the perfect time to contact the OC Relationship Center to build a better foundation for a healthy marriage!