What do we fixate on most in our relationships? The exact opposite of this title.
If we were honest, we’d admit that, much of the time, we think, “What I need from my mate” as most important to us.
But the surest way to get what you need in a relationship is to give your mate what they need. What you need will naturally flow back to you in that case.
Does this mean we should do unselfish things with selfish motives? No. Instead, it highlights how important it is to take care of our mate.
Here are a few quick tips to keep in mind as you do just that.
Listen Without Judgment
Everywhere you turn there is criticism. A lot of the criticism is true. We all have problems and shortcomings after all. But consistent criticism and judgmental tendencies from others cause people to shut down.
As a result, most people find it difficult to be honest with others. What if those we thought were trustworthy use what we tell them as ammunition against us instead of understanding better where we’re coming from?
In your relationship, your mate needs the ability to share about the messy details of their lives. They need the ability to do so without attacks and judgment.
This is crucial because attacks and judgment are everywhere. Your mate requires a safe place to share their thoughts, process shortcomings, admit fears and talk about their dreams.
This must happen without someone stepping on their thoughts and feelings and driving them into the ground.
The best thing to do is let your mate vent and share their feelings and emotions without you initially evaluating whether they are correct. Do your best to refrain from getting angry if something is said that upsets you.
If you quickly interject disagreement with how your mate processes life right away, they’ll be less inclined to be open with you in the future.
Your mate needs the ability to express their feelings and get them out. If you’re patient, you’ll be invited to offer advice or input at the right time.
The proper time to offer advice almost never means doing so in knee-jerk fashion.
Wait and then wait some more as you stay attentive. Doing so will strengthen your relationship, increase transparency and, as a result, build trust.
Your Mate Needs a Friend
Your mate needs a friend that will be there for them no matter what.
You and your mate require other friends besides the two of you. But your mate should be your best friend.
Will you get warm and fuzzy feelings every time you’re in the room together? No.
Will you constantly feel romantic thoughts towards each other? No. That will come and go.
But what you need is a fellow life journeyer who will never leave you. Who takes on the resolve to get through life together with you in the good circumstances and the bad.
Your mate needs someone who makes them a better person. That doesn’t always mean happiness. But it means something even better than happiness: purpose.
It means that, together, you work to make the world better than you found it. It means that you leave a lasting contribution that makes a positive difference.