Did you know that telling your partner they are wrong can be harmful to your relationship?
It doesn’t mean that you ignore destructive tendencies in your partner like physical abuse, compulsive spending or substance abuse, for instance. But it does mean that you learn to overlook some things.
Certainly, there is a time to bring up problems in a relationship. But does your partner need to hear about every time they are wrong?
No, and here’s why.
Self-Discovery is the Most Powerful Change Agent
You love your partner so it’s natural that you want to speak the truth about the lies your partner believes. Failing to do so would be unloving.
But should you highlight every time your partner goofs up? No, because doing so is degrading, unnecessary and demotivating.
No one likes all their faults put on the big screen. In most cases, the most compelling motivator for your partner to make a positive life change will be found by you being a consistently loving and forgiving partner knowing that you need the exact thing.
Think about it this way: Would you want a friend or parent who picks out every fault in you or one who loves you through your imperfections as you grow to be a better person?
All relationships work better when you can overlook what you can. Decide what you can overlook while still maintaining a healthy relationship.
Within the framework of a healthy and supportive relationship, something powerful is unleashed. Because there is accepting love, your partner will be able to have transparency and support to overcome issues through self-discovery—on their terms.
Not because you rehashed your partner’s faults but because your partner noticed them first.
If the idea to change comes from your partner’s internal dialogue rather than your constant input, they’ll be way more apt to change.
They have to at least think it’s their idea!
Encourage Self-Discovery in Your Partner
We all have a natural desire to improve as people although we sometimes face seemingly insurmountable roadblocks to that end.
Make a point to help your partner practice self-discovery instead of stifling it.
One of the best things to do is to talk about your goals, hopes and dreams. Be an active listener for your partner and work to bring out the best in your partner.
Praise your partner as much as you can. This will make it way easier to bring up topics that need to be addressed when those moments arise. You’ll face a lot less resistance and defensiveness, too.
In Summary
Loving action is the greatest motivator to help your partner change. It isn’t found in constantly diagnosing faults as much as it may seem that way.
Need a little more help encouraging your partner to change? Be open about your own faults and the areas you personally want to improve in.
If you still need an extra boost, we would be happy to help you in this process. Healthy relationships and families are what we’re all about!
If it is time for you to schedule your counseling appointment, you can do so online using our online scheduling tool, call us at (949) 430-7269, or text us.
