Your girl is frustrated about a major life issue. It may be about her work or her family or it could be something completely different.
You want to help but you’re not quite sure how. Sometimes in the past, your “help” either made things worse or didn’t seem to make a difference.
You don’t need to let past scenarios define you today. Here are a few ways to help your partner when she’s complaining.
Listen. Listen. Listen!
Oh man, guys, this is so difficult—At least at first. As we shared in a previous post, most guys try to jump in right away and fix things instead of listening.
Listening is the safest and most productive first step.
In fact, you may do absolutely nothing besides actively listen, the rant will end and your partner will thank you for being there. You’ll be like, “What did I do?!”
But what you did was exactly what your girl needed. She just needed a listening ear.
Sometimes less is more. Listening often is something that seems like less but actually ends up being more.
She just needed to dump out a bunch of junk so she could move on.
Stay focused and really think about what your partner is saying. You can interject but only after listening.
A good rule of thumb is to listen until it “hurts.” Until there’s that awkward silence. If you cut off your partner in mid-sentence, that’s a good indicator that you need to just relax and listen.
Remember: Less is often more!
Maybe She Needs More: She Needs Your Advice
It’s not a bad idea to ask your girl if she just needs you to listen or needs advice, too.
You can also let this happen on its own if that’s more your style. If you listen until there’s nothing more to listen to, and your partner still wants more from you, that’s a good sign she needs advice.
A word of warning: If she starts complaining about her family, don’t jump on the bandwagon and say something like, “Yeah, I agree they are jerks!”
It may be ok for her to insult her family but not you. Doing so may create an unnecessary argument.
She’s trying to process things and may feel personally attacked if you also attack her family.
A Quick Word About Chronic Complaining
When your girl starts complaining and you think, “Boy, here we go again,” this could signal a bigger problem.
Depression could be disrupting your partner’s life, causing her to see everything in a negative light. Or it could be that she needs a major change like getting out of that toxic job that’s been slowly ruining her life for a long time.
This could be a good time to see a counselor to get some extra help. Constant complaining can badly diminish the quality of life of you and your family.
Get rid of the excessive complaining and things will quickly get better.
If it is time for you to schedule your couples counseling appointment online using our online scheduling tool, call us at (949) 393-8662, or text us.
