Have you ever spoken the words, or worse yet, heard the words, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”? Whether you’ve spoken the words, or heard them, it’s a hard phrase hear or say. No doubt those words were said by you or to you as a beginning to the end in a relationship.
Did you know that relationships may have been able to be saved if people knew that it’s common to fall in and out of love with your partner during the duration of your relationship? Long-term commitments do not automatically guarantee that you will always, every minute of every day of every month, be totally in love with your partner. As we are aware, in the beginning of a relationship, hormones are racing, you can never get enough of your other half, and you can’t wipe the smile off your face. If you expect that the two of you will always feel that way, you are paving the way to a rough road for yourself.
Total commitment is more than the infatuation you experience during the initial stages of a relationship. It is being compatible, liking each other’s company, and vowing that separation and/or divorce is not an option. Although that sounds like a huge promise to make, it basically means that you keep communication alive in your relationship, and that both of you cherish your life together and promise to keep your relationship or marriage in tact, through good times and bad, sickness and health, and all those other things you hear as part of wedding vows. They are not just words. They are promises the bride and the groom should not take lightly.
So what can you you do if you feel your relationship or marriage has lost its spark? First and foremost, refrain from getting married during the first six to twelve months of meeting someone, even if you think that person is your soulmate! Always have time for your friends; don’t abandon those who have known you and stood by you for this new found person. And as hard as it may seem, listen to what your friends are saying (or implying so they don’t hurt your feelings) about your newly found love. Talk about everything and anything. Be open about what you do and do not want in your future. This includes topics like having children, advancing in your career, and reaching your long-term goals. Be sure you are speaking truthfully rather than saying what you think your partner wants to hear. Require your partner to do the same.
If you realize life will never be all chocolate and roses, you are on the right path. If you and your partner seem miserable or have a hard time coping with the fact that you should really be striving for “commitment” rather than “in love” forever and ever, you may want to consider getting some help. Let the professionals at the Relationship Center of Orange County help you. Schedule your appointment online using our online scheduling tool, call us at (949) 220-3211, or text us.