It’s time for your first date. You want to make the best-possible first impression. But first impressions are a two-way street.
What if that first date winds up being an epic fail and it wasn’t because of you?
Worse yet is another fear. What if your first date gives you some serious red flags and you don’t even notice them? Because you don’t notice them, you later find yourself deep into a toxic relationship?
Although there’s a host of potential red flags, here are three to consider.
Your First Date Only Talks About Themselves
Want a major Red Flag?
You’re an hour into your time together and your date hasn’t ceased talking about themselves. It’s almost like you’re invisible—like you’re not even there.
Have you noticed or are you blindly overlooking that fact?
Your relationship will always struggle if only one side is numero uno.
Things aren’t likely to get better, either. Most sensible people are on their “best behavior” for first dates.
What’ll happen when familiarity sets in? The odds aren’t very good that your opinion will matter or that you’ll be valued.
All your needs, hopes and dreams will be eclipsed by the narcissist you’ve made such a large part of your life.
Your First Date Pressures You to Be Physical
You shouldn’t feel any pressure to be physical on your first date. Your date needs to respect that fact or you’re starting out on shaky ground.
No, you don’t owe your date a thing if they buy you something to eat or a memento.
Take some control and avoid opportunities or places that could lead you to compromise or even danger.
It’s best to decide ahead of time on this issue. If your date can’t respect your boundaries on a first date, tell them to get lost.
Your First Date Is Too Pushy
Your initial date should be relaxed. It’s better if you don’t go to a fancy dinner or do something that could feel high pressure.
If your date tries to make things feel otherwise, they could be intentionally (or unintentionally) moving too fast.
They may fear losing you and feel the only way to prevent that is to do something big.
The truth is that there’s already enough pressure on a first date as it is. Find something to do that’s fun and relaxing instead of cramped and potentially stressful.
There’s no need to feel pressured into another date. You’ll need time to process that later.
Watch how your date treats other people and then decide if you’d like to be treated the same way.
No date will be perfect just like you’re not perfect. This needs to be understood.
At the same time, you want to look for patterns that could cause you more grief than it’s worse. And if you find patterns like that, put the brakes on and then change lanes. If it is time for you to schedule your couples counseling appointment online using our online scheduling tool, call us at (949) 393-8662, or text us.