When Your Husband Doesn’t Spend Time with the Kids

Troubled because your husband doesn’t spend time with your kids? If so, you’re not alone.

Many moms eventually scratch their heads wondering when and why this happened. You’re left taking care of virtually every aspect of your child’s life.

Emergency room visits, getting up with a sick child in the night, talking with teachers about school-related issues, bathing your child, dealing with the teenage tugs-of-war and way more, too often, seem to rest solely on your shoulders.

If this is you, what can you do to make things better? Here are a few steps to help you get there.

Find Out Why Your Husband Doesn’t Want to Spend Time with the Kids

There are many potential reasons why a husband might choose not to interact with his kids. Obviously, you desire a solution to this perplexing problem.

You’ll have no idea how to reach a solution, however, without knowing why your husband doesn’t interact with your children in the first place.

Here are just a few potential reasons your husband may not be involved:

He’s Depressed—Depression causes people to withdraw from relationships. Just taking care of oneself is overwhelming, let alone taking care of others.

Overwhelmed with Work—Maybe your husband is in a job he’s not happy with or is stretched too thin. He comes home at the end of the day spent and with little energy left to invest in his family.

Hobbies Take Priority—Your husband’s time commitments such as hobbies eat up moments that could be spent with your children. Hobbies can also be a diversion for men who are overwhelmed with their work.

Too Busy—Along with the hobby thing, your husband may simply be too busy. No matter how well-intentioned he is, if your husband has too much on his plate, he won’t have adequate time to devote to the children.

Didn’t Have an Involved Dad—Take a look at your husband’s father figure. Did he spend much time with your husband when he was growing up? If not, your husband may genuinely not know how to interact with your children.

Tough Child Phase—If your child is colicky or going through an angry, rebellious stage, your husband may be checking out because he doesn’t know how to handle the situation.

Views Childrearing as Your Job—Maybe your husband wouldn’t come out and say it, but he views the whole kid thing as your responsibility.

May Not Know the Reason—It’s quite possible that your husband doesn’t know why he withdraws from parenthood. It’s equally possible there are a combined number of reasons your husband isn’t involved, making a proper identification of the problem difficult.

Avoidance Over Parenting Style Conflicts—If you used to argue in the past about proper parenting decisions, it’s possible your husband is avoiding getting involved to keep the peace.

Once the Cause is Identified, Work at Solving the Problem

Having identified the reason your husband is absent from the lives of your children, you’ll be able to work towards a solution.

This will require interacting with your husband about ways to help solve this difficulty. It could be as simple as redefining what your husband helps with when it comes to the children.

It could also mean him cutting back on work or hobbies or getting help for depression.

Could Counseling Help Your Husband?

It’s certainly possible. If you find yourself unable to agree on the reasons your husband isn’t involved with your children, therapy can help you figure that out.

Maybe you know the reason your husband has “checked out.” However, you struggle to come up with a solution. Your therapist can help you to resolve this problem as well.

Are you ready to enjoy parenting together again? Therapy can help you get back on track as a couple. Now could be the perfect time to contact the OC Relationship Center to build a better foundation for a healthy parenting relationship!

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