You’ve raised your kids and now it’s time to adjust to living without children in the house. Maybe your kids are graduating college, launching careers, or starting families of their own. But what happens when your adult child asks to return home?
This situation is more common than you think — and it’s one we help parents navigate in Parenting Counseling.
There are plenty of reasons an adult child might return home: job loss, transition between college and career, a difficult breakup or divorce. Whatever the reason, it’s important to be prepared — emotionally, financially, and logistically — before welcoming them back under your roof.
As warm-hearted as you may be, this can’t be a free-for-all. Ground rules help preserve respect, autonomy, and family harmony. Yes, they’re your child — but this is your home. And like it or not, you may find yourself paying extra bills or dealing with disrupted routines if expectations aren’t clearly set up front.
Here Are Some Things to Clarify Before Your Child Returns
- Coming and going: Do you expect notice if they’re not coming home? Is there a curfew or check-in expectation?
- Cleaning and laundry: What chores are theirs? Are they expected to buy their own supplies?
- Visitors: Can they have guests over? Drop-ins? Overnight partners?
- Pets: Are pets allowed? If so, who’s responsible when they’re away?
- Bills: Will they pay rent or contribute to groceries, utilities, or gas? If you loan them money, is it a gift or should they pay it back?
- Food: Will meals and grocery costs be shared? Is the fridge communal or separate?
- Time frames: How long do you expect them to stay? Do you have a goal for their independence (e.g., 6 months post-grad or 1 year post-divorce)?
It’s wise to put agreements in writing so everyone’s on the same page. Even better: revisit them after the first month and adjust as needed.
What Not to Do
Don’t leave the arrangement open-ended. Don’t shoulder all their bills. Don’t avoid conversations to “keep the peace.” This is still your home — and you deserve peace too.
Expect Some Tension
Sometimes the strain shows up in your marriage, not just in the parent-child dynamic. One partner might be more willing than the other to keep the adult child comfortable, creating new tension at home. Be gentle with yourselves — this is hard stuff.
Need Help Navigating the Transition?
If your adult child has moved back in and it’s causing stress or confusion — or if you’re unsure how to set healthy limits — talking to a therapist can help.
Our therapists at the OC Relationship Center understand the complex dynamics of modern parenting and family life. We offer practical tools and emotional support to help you lead with love — and protect your own peace.
Call us today at (949) 393-8662 or schedule an appointment online. You don’t have to figure this out alone.
For additional insight, we also recommend this Psychology Today article on empty nests becoming revolving doors — including the emotional impact and strategies for smoother transitions.
