The primary problem with believing others are perfect is that you believe a lie. And believing lies about how life works can cause you to say and do things that aren’t in your best interest or the best interest of others.
Before you go beating yourself up about doing this, first realize that virtually everyone is tempted to believe that others are perfect at times.
What are some specific problems you might experience if you falsely conclude that others are perfect? Here are some possibilities.
Discouragement
Surprised by this one? I bet not. That’s because when you assume other people you know (or apparently don’t know that well) are perfect, you look at yourself and immediately put yourself down.
You know better than anyone how many flaws you have. But you hardly have a shred of evidence about the flaws of the person you’re measuring yourself by.
You conclude that you don’t measure up and in a big way. The specific things you compare to the “perfect” person may vary widely from the perfect relationship, house, kids, career, to education and on the list goes.
But the result is predictably the same. You want to go into your room and pull the covers over your head. The sun’s shining outside as you do so. You just don’t care, though.
You wrongly assumed someone was perfect who wasn’t and drew unfair and inaccurate conclusions about yourself. You decided for the moment that you are worthless.
That’s a big mistake and couldn’t be further from the truth.
Envy and Jealousy
Besides discouragement or even depression because of the comparison game, you may experience a very different emotion: jealousy, envy and maybe even hate.
You’re over your initial discouragement and now it’s time to retaliate. It’s time to fight.
And fight you should. You should fight every temptation to label yourself with words like useless, worthless and loser.
There’s just one problem with envy, jealousy and hate. You make an unsuspecting bystander the object of your bitterness and hurt.
False ideas are your real enemy, not people.
Ironically, that same person you’re jealous of may envy you and feel like you’re perfect. After all, they see all of their own flaws. But they have zero data about you.
You May Have an Affair
You may severely damage a committed relationship by imagining someone else is “perfect.”
You may regularly tell yourself how “perfect” a different person is and how flawed your old partner is. But the time will come when you see all the flaws of your new flame for what they really are.
Those flaws may, in fact, be greater with your new partner than if you’d just stayed put.
Summing Things Up
We’re all very imperfect people. It’s easier to admit that about ourselves than others. Don’t believe the “perfect people lie.”
It will only cause you unnecessary problems. You are far more valuable than your problems and imperfections. Be the best you that you can be.
That’s what the world needs most from you—a fully alive you! If it is time for you to schedule your couples counseling appointment online using our online scheduling tool, call us at (949) 393-8662, or text us.
