You’ve probably heard this one before, haven’t you?
But you find yourself, once again, reading on this topic to understand something you never will—at least not experientially.
She wants you to listen way more than “fix” the problem.
A Bit of a Disclaimer First
This is usually the case with men and women. Usually.
Women generally want to be listened to the most and men want to fix the most.
But there are definite exceptions. And this can easily happen without a loss of masculinity or femininity.
Some women are natural fixers. Some men become frustrated when fixers try to step in without listening.
A Very Common Conversation
Woman:
“I’m concerned about Johnny (fourth-grade son). He’s come home from school in tears the past few days.”
Man:
“Well, ask him what’s bothering him. Then, schedule a time with his teacher and see if there’s anything else going on.”
Woman:
“Uh….(pause) ok.
(Conversation ends at this point.)
Inside the Brain of Someone Who’s Not a “Fixer”
The man leaves that conversation feeling pretty darn good. He’s the fixer, after all, and that’s just what he did. He got out his handy, dandy duct tape and covered everything in sight with the grey, shiny adhesive.
The woman leaves with her head down. She may feel discouraged. She may feel angry. She may feel ignored.
But, there’s one common denominator.
She doesn’t feel like you care.
At this point, you may object to her feelings.
“But I’m “Duct-Tape Man,” you say.
That you are and that’s a good thing. The world would literally come to a standstill without people like you.
Most of the time, the woman you care about isn’t asking for a quick fix. She’s inviting you into an intimate relationship.
Johnny’s problems perplex her but, more than anything, she’s inviting you to experience life together.
She wants to talk about the problem. She wants you to listen. She wants you to understand how she feels.
She wants to be vulnerable with you. She needs to be vulnerable with you—because she craves a relationship with depth.
And, yes, that involves way more than what happens in the bedroom.
Part of the solution for her is to air out the problem. Sometimes that alone is what she needs most.
After all, your woman isn’t a dimwit. She understands life quite well and makes you look good in the process.
What she needs is to let out words. It’s her release valve.
And allowing her the ability to do so is often all the “fixing” that’s required! If it is time for you to schedule your couples counseling appointment online using our online scheduling tool, call us at (949) 393-8662, or text us.
