Do you have marriage problems? If so, you’re not the only one. Every couple encounters struggles.
Some of these problems can’t be resolved by a couple without outside intervention. It doesn’t mean you’re “weird” or uniquely broken if you need to seek outside help.
Just be careful who you open up to. If you’re not discerning on this point, you could wind up with bigger marital problems than before you asked for help.
Why is it dangerous to ask fair-weather friends or family members for help?
Talking to Fair-Weather Friends About Your Marriage Problems
Marriage problems lived in isolation can be unbearable. Because of that, you may be tempted to talk to someone who’s less than ideal such as a fair-weather friend.
There are a number of possibilities that could happen if you open up about your marital struggles to a marginal friend.
One possibility is that your “friend” simply won’t help you. “Things” will come up and they’ll be too busy to share your burdens.
This type of friend is there for you on sunny days, after all. Not the stormy ones.
Another possibility is that your fair-weather friend will do something worse than not helping. They won’t keep your sensitive information a secret. And once your most personal matters are out in the open, there’s no bringing them back.
Lastly, your fair-weather friend is only your “friend” because there’s a way you benefit them. That being the case, your “friend” may fear you’ll cut off the friendship if they don’t side with you on everything.
This could result in your “friend” telling you whatever you want to hear instead of telling you the truth.
Sometimes the truth hurts but it’s also necessary. There’s a good chance your “friend” won’t want to risk upsetting you with the truth even though that’s exactly what you need.
They’ll want the benefits you offer them to keep coming more than what’s best for you.
Going to Family When There are Marriage Problems
Another significant danger is going to family members when you’re experiencing marital problems.
Doing so can make things worse chiefly because those family members tend to side with their blood relative, alienating the other spouse or, worse, demonizing them.
Unless there’s an abuse situation, it isn’t fair to bring family into your marital problems. It’ll be hard for them to remain neutral to both marriage partners.
The family members will likely only hear one side of the story which only further complicates things. When we tell our problems, the tendency is to make ourselves look as good as possible. Both perspectives of the problem may not be communicated to the family.
Also, family members in their zealous loyalty, may advice one spouse to divorce the other when this is not the best option for the marriage.
Usually, when there are spousal disagreements, the truth is somewhere in the middle. This is why it’s crucial that you find a trusted and unbiased third-party to help you work through your marital struggles.
Best-Case Scenario: A Third-Party Mediator Such as a Counselor
Although you may find an unbiased third party in a friend, it’s not overly common. Even if you do, your friend may not be equipped to adequately help you.
That’s why it’s best to seek out a counselor who’s skilled at helping couples work through marital conflicts.
At the OC Relationship Center, we’ve helped many couples work through their problems in a safe, unbiased, confidential and evidence-based manner. Now could be the perfect time to contact the OC Relationship Center to build a better foundation for a healthy marriage relationship!