Infidelity is one of the most common reasons for divorce. Some people feel that infidelity is a deal breaker and there are no second chances. Ever. It is one of the most devastating occurrences to get past in a marriage. In fact, it takes a strong, committed couple to figure out why it happened and do what’s necessary to forgive and move on in the marriage.
Trust is the biggest issue. If you were cheated on, can you ever trust your spouse again? If you were the one who cheated, can you live your life like an open book, forever proving your love for your spouse and doing whatever it takes to be transparent? Rebuilding trust in your relationship will not be easy, for either person. It will take time and true commitment. Total focus has to be on your marriage and has to be the number one priority in your marriage and in your life.
Communication is key. Both partners need to take responsibility for their actions in what caused the breakdown in the marriage. What happened for your marriage to get to this stage? What are you willing to do to make it better? Actively show your love for your spouse and expect the same in return. Do what you say you’ll do, from remembering to pick up milk, to remembering to make reservations at a restaurant. And do these things without needing reminders. Touch each other often. Hold hands, kiss, hug, and show your love for each other.
Remember, actions speak louder than words. You can say, “I’m sorry”, but it’s just as important, if not more important, that you show your spouse that you are sorry by the things that you say and do. Neither of you should lie by omission, meaning, don’t try to spare your spouse’s feelings by not telling the total truth, always.
Be ready for a long, committed haul in restoring your marriage. There is no timeline for recovering from infidelity. Some people can get past it much quicker than others. There will be many stages. There is the initial shock, the emotions involved, the denial, the angriness, and many more emotions that may come into play. Once you get past the initial shock of infidelity, you may want to consult with a trained counselor. The sooner you and your spouse can begin to heal,the sooner you can move forward in your marriage. Couples who work with a professional, tend to have stronger bonds in the end. Counselors can teach you how to support each other, have an open, honest relationship, and feel free from the hurt you are experiencing.
If you are suffering as the result of infidelity in your own relationship, whether you are the adulterer or the victim, reach out and let the professionals at the Relationship Center of Orange County help you.