“Happy wife, happy life!” It is an old saying but it is true (and it goes both ways, by the way). Appreciation goes hand in hand with admiration, respect, and esteem. All of these things are adjectives that describe how you probably felt about your wife before she was your wife; when you were trying to catch her eye, while you were dating, and when your relationship moved to “exclusive” status. Most likely, she felt the same way about you, so you did it … you proposed!
You got engaged, you got married, and life was good. Life was good. So what happened? What changed to make things more difficult than during those “good” days? It’s called getting comfortable. For whatever reason, at some point in time, you stopped leaving notes on the bathroom mirror, putting cards in her luggage when she was going out of town, buying flowers for Valentine’s Day or her birthday, and every other little thing that you used to do to make her smile, feel appreciated, and know that you love her.
If your wife is not feeling appreciated or loved, you are paddling into dangerous waters. It is a fact that random acts of kindness towards your wife are crucial to marital satisfaction. If you’re feeling less connected in your relationship, it may be time to take a step back and commit to showing appreciation to your wife. Here are a few small things that you can do to make sure your wife knows you appreciate and admire her. There are hundreds more, but these are little gestures that can easily show your wife how much you love and appreciate her.
- Make her morning coffee.
- Warm her car up in the winter.
- Hold her hand or make other gestures of affection, especially when she’s least expecting it.
- Speak highly of her to others.
- Open the car door for her.
- Cook for her, or pick up take-out so she’s off the hook for the night.
- Show her you’re a team by cleaning up the kitchen after a meal or help her do the dishes.
- Communicate; be interested in her topics of conversation. Ask how her day went.
- Give her a night out with the girls while you take care of the kids.
- Notice what she has accomplished and say thank you.
Many people like to hear, “I love you”, while others feel those words are just words. It’s always nice to hear, “I love you”, but it is even nicer for you to show your wife how much you love her. Actions speak louder than words to show your support and your overall fondness of her. Multiple studies show that the happiest marriages are made up of partners who regularly show compassion and appreciation to each other.
When random acts of kindness disappear and you no longer show your spouse that you care for her, it is an indication your marriage needs help. On the contrary, when you are compassionate and your wife knows, without a doubt, how much you care, your own happiness increases as well.
As part of a study done in the 1990s, more men reported putting their wives’ wishes before their own. For example, men were more likely to modify their plans for their wives’ sake, especially as newlyweds. Additionally, men are often more comfortable showing their love by their actions, and not by their words. So, why did you stop showing appreciation for your wife? Most likely, life did it to you. Maybe you’ve been married for several years, you now have children, you have a house to take care of, etc. There are many reasons why people feel comfortable in their marriages and go through each day in a routine, forgetting how to keep things alive.
Maybe you think that by now, your wife should know how much you love her. Maybe you feel showing compassion, as far as leaving notes and doing little things to show your appreciation, are for younger couples and those who are just falling in love. Or maybe, you are lucky enough to be on the receiving end of random acts of kindness, and you never give it a thought that you should be doing the same for your wife. Don’t take your wife for granted. Rough times are often the result of communication breakdowns, as well as when spouses no longer feel loved, appreciated, or respected. Those little acts of kindness can be the glue that keeps your relationship together.
All marriages go through hard times at one time or another. If you are struggling in your marriage and need to talk about your issues and learn how to get things back on track, the counselors at Orange County Relationship Center can help you. Call us today at 949-220-3211 or book your appointment via our online calendar.