For many, such a title is met with skepticism. Far too many of us feel “old and tired” in our relationships. That initial spark of falling in love is long gone, we conclude.
It’s true that the initial spark only happens once. It doesn’t mean you have to spend your life in a dull, boring or even adversarial relationship, though.
Yes, you need more than the in-love feeling to get you through a relationship for the long haul. That doesn’t mean you need to say goodbye to that loving feeling for good, though
Here’s the why and the how.
Rekindle Appreciation for Your Spouse
Something happens when we’re initially in love that tends not to happen later. We initially appreciate our significant other instead of taking them for granted.
The fact that we appreciate them shows up in our actions and, boy, do those sparks fly as a result.
Love sparks, of course. Not friction sparks!
But what tends to happen as time goes on? We take our spouse for granted.
The fact that we do this shows up in a variety of ways.
We don’t smile as much when around our spouse. We don’t compliment as much. We don’t have as much fun together. We lose or, more accurately, forget to love creatively.
Whereas we would’ve gone to the end of the world to be with our spouse, we’ll at least go to the end of town, now.
The in-love prescription is far simpler than we realize: Start doing what you used to do in your relationship when you were “in love”.
Specifically, think about how you used to show your spouse you appreciated them and start doing those things again.
Act Selflessly with Your Spouse
Remember when you would go to great inconvenience for the one you loved.
Making the life of your spouse better or easier used to be reward enough. Somewhere along the way, we grew complacent and self-absorbed.
“Where did the loving feeling go,” we lament.
It’s still there able to be had. All it needs is a spark.
Selfless acts are a great way to provide the necessary spark.
That can mean giving your spouse a foot rub, chipping in with some chores you’re not expected to do or helping to run some errands.
The key is to ask “what about them” instead of “what about me.”
Selflessness can rekindle the in-love spark like few things can.
You Don’t Need a New Person for Adventure
Buying into the lie that you need a newer model to be in love is an unfortunate and destructive lie.
People reach for other people all the time while throwing their spouse and years of a meaningful relationship under the bus.
They go to great lengths to woo a new person but fail to continue wooing their spouse. They throw away something of inestimable value for a cheap thrill.
Predictably, the new person feels more loved because that’s where the passionate attention goes. But what happens when the new thrill isn’t as trilling as it used to be—again?
If the neglected spouse had continued receiving that passionate attention, the relationship fire could’ve stayed red hot instead of going out.
If your relational fire goes out, you only need to rekindle it. Going in search of a new place to start a fire completely misses the point and causes a lot of unnecessary grief.
You don’t need a new person for adventure. Find ways to share an adventure with your spouse instead.
That Loving Feeling
Yes, you can experience it again with your spouse.
Simply do what you used to do when you were “in love.”
Next, wait for that fire to start roaring again!
If it is time for you to schedule your couples counseling appointment, you can do so online using our online scheduling tool, call us at (949) 430-7269, or text us.