If you recently broke up with your partner, you’ve seen some turbulent days lately. You may feel empty, betrayed and broken beyond repair. There are few things as painful as what you’re going through.
Although a season of pain and bewilderment is normal, you’ll eventually reach a fork in the road. You’ll have to decide between becoming a weaker or stronger person through the experience.
If you harbor bitterness, mistrust, and hold onto sadness, it will eventually break you down. If you hold onto a positive attitude, reach toward hope and strive for something better, you’ll emerge stronger.
You can emerge stronger. Sadly, not all do. But whether or not you become stronger through your experience ultimately is a choice.
After a Recent Breakup, Exchange Negative Self Talk with Positive
A breakup with your partner can feel like an epic personal failure. But you at least had the courage to try even though you knew there was a chance that things wouldn’t work out.
One of the most agonizing aspects of a breakup is the emotional toll it can take on you through self-doubt.
Your internal dialogue will question whether you can be successful in another relationship, whether someone else will find you attractive again and will tell you that you can’t trust others anymore. There are million other negative ideas you’ll be tempted to believe as well.
Do your best to sit back and notice the internal dialogue assaulting you. Those in the most danger don’t step back and look at their negative thoughts from an objective vantage point.
Once you’ve stepped back, take those negative thoughts and speak true and positive ones into your life instead. And doing so doesn’t mean you ignore your failures (we all fail at points—it’s just part of being human). Admitting failure is the first step towards healthy change.
Here are few examples of this:
“You know your anger is why the break up happened, don’t you?”
“I admit my anger may be part of the reason for my breakup although there were many reasons. But it doesn’t need to define me. With the proper support, I can and will do better.”
“You can never trust again. You’ll only get hurt.”
“Although that’s how I feel right now, that’s not an option. Trust is a must if I’m to be successful in a future relationship. In time, I’ll learn to trust again.”
Ask Others for Help
To emerge stronger, everything rises and falls on whether you can conquer the battle of the mind.
Write down every negative thing you’re tempted to believe about yourself. Next, replace those negative thoughts with truth. The best way to do this is to write out positive responses in a journal.
But don’t stop there because you may struggle to come to the right conclusions alone. Be honest with a trusted friend and share the negative thoughts you’re tempted to believe.
A good friend will be able to give you plenty of ammunition against those lies as will a trusted therapist.