If you’re searching for a long-term relationship, you may be looking to the ends of the earth for the right person. But what if a big part of the answer to your search is much closer than you think?
A rarely discussed secret to finding a quality spouse is being the right person first. You focus on becoming the best person for your future spouse.
Doing this doesn’t come naturally for most. That isn’t to say you can’t pull it off, however. Here are some additional thoughts.
What Typically Happens When Looking for a Spouse
These days, it’s easier than ever to approach dating with a consumer mentality. We often have high to unrealistic standards. Social media and dating services show all potential mates with their best foot forward.
Some in the dating scene go to great lengths to appear at the top of their game—even hiring professional photographers and writers to make them look “superhuman”. Problem is, “superhuman” is an illusion. We all have our flaws.
The danger of the consumer approach is that we ask future dates, “What can you offer me?” In other words, we want to know how our potential date can make us happy.
This approach often leads to a string of disappointing relationships.
There are two problems with this thinking. First, it’s unfair to ask another to make us happy. If we can’t find fulfillment apart from a partner, the relationships we enter will become unhealthy.
Secondly, good relationships don’t start with selfishly trying to grab all we can. The more important question those in a committed relationship need to ask is, “What can I do for you?”
This is the proper way to be fulfilled in a long-term relationship. Both selflessly giving to each other.
Who Are You? You’ll Attract the Same
If you’re looking for a future spouse, what are the most important characteristics you’re looking for?
They may include things like loyalty, honesty and a sense of humor.
It’s wise to ask, “Do I consistently exhibit the things I want in my future spouse?” If not, that’s okay. You can become those things.
So, yes, write out your list of what’s important to you but practice those traits on yourself first. Become the person that someone with those same values would be attracted to.
Yes, we’re talking about attraction. But we’re going waydeeper than the beauty industry here.
We’re hitting on the core of who you are. Those are the things you want to focus on most because they matter the most.
Sure, being happily employed and looking our best are valuable to an extent but they aren’t enough to sustain a relationship over the long haul.
Instead of constantly trying to chase the “perfect” spouse, become what you’re looking for. Then, you’ll naturally attract the type of person you value.
At this point, you won’t have to “threaten” your date to marry you. They’ll want to because you’ll be exactly what they’re looking for. You’ll feel the same way.
Singleness Isn’t a Curse: It’s a Chance for Self-Improvement
If you’re not currently in a dating relationship, singleness can sometimes feel like a curse. This isn’t a healthy way to view singleness, however.
When you’re single, you have an opportunity to improve yourself without the potential fallout that could happen if you took your flaws into a new relationship.
Did you “crash and burn” in your last relationship? That’ okay, if so. Use this time to overcome childhood hurts or tendencies that may make having a happy relationship difficult.
Counseling can help as you work towards self-improvement before entering a new relationship. You can work with a therapist to become the very person you want to be with.
By taking this approach, you’ll be ready when “the one” enters your life. You can schedule an appointmentwith the OC Relationship Center at your convenience to find out more.