Loss of Connection

Going from finding it hard to get enough of each other to finding it hard to have anything to talk about in a relationship happens slowly over time.  As relationships move forward and progress to true commitments and/or marriage, a lot of times, life just gets in the way of keeping a connection and people tend to be lonely in their marriages.  That is, if people allow that to happen.

As relationships move forward on the path of life, a lot of things happen to change the dynamic of your household.  For instance, over time, you go from marriage to having children, to running children to and from activities, all the while you’re working full-time, outside of the home.  It’s exhausting to even consider.  No wonder there is no time to stay connected to the one you love, right?  Well, wrong.  There are things you can do to make sure your relationship stays strong throughout life, no matter what changes come your way.  

If your partner realizes your relationship has gone from awesome to lonely, it’s actually a plus.  Then you both can work on restoring the connection.  If not, you may have to do what you can do, individually, to try to make a difference.  First, realize it will take time to bring your relationship back.  It took years to get to where it is today; it will take months of practice and commitment to bring it back to where you want it to be.  Start by committing to spending at least 10 minutes a day with your partner.  It can be any time of day (morning, after work, after dinner, before going to bed), but do it every day.  This is time for only the two of you; no interruptions.  Talk about your day, your feelings, anything.  But be sure to connect.  By both of you committing to this, you are starting down the right path.

Have a date night, at least once a month, even if that means hiring a babysitter.  Try to go away for a weekend alone at least once a year; preferably twice a year.  Have sex.  Sex is not just about the physical attraction; it’s also about staying connected emotionally.  Have a teenaged neighbor come over to play with your children so you and your partner can connect.  Whatever it takes.  Do it!

There are many things you can do to turn your relationship around, but really, it’s all about communication.  If you aren’t talking to your spouse, how will your spouse know your feelings, your frustrations, your anything?  Try to talk about things that will ignite a good conversation.  Try not to talk about the kids every time you get a few minutes to catch up.  Whatever you try to do to make a difference; you’re on the right path.  If you have tried to make the effort and you are getting nowhere, you may want to reach out and let the professionals at the Relationship Center of Orange County help you.  Schedule your appointment online using our online scheduling tool, call us at (949) 220-3211, or text us.

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