Discernment Counseling: Not Sure Whether to Stay or Go?

Discernment Counseling is When You Don’t Like the Relationship But Aren’t Sure if You Want Leave It Completely

Some couples come to therapy ready to fix things. Others? They aren’t so sure.

Maybe one person is leaning toward leaving, while the other wants to fight for the relationship. Maybe both of you feel exhausted and stuck, and not wanting to make the wrong choice.

Sometimes one partner is begging to go to couples counseling and the other partner is daydreaming about leaving because they can’t see the relationship ever working.

That’s exactly where Discernment Counseling can help.

Developed by Dr. Bill Doherty, this short-term approach is designed for couples who aren’t sure whether to stay together. It’s not about making a rushed decision. It’s about taking a step back, getting clarity, and figuring out what’s next.

Unlike traditional couples therapy—where both people are committed to working on the relationship—Discernment Counseling helps you decide if that’s even the right step.

Hand holding red and yellow autumn leaves

How Discernment Counseling Works

Here’s how the process works:

Step 1: Individual Sessions

Talk openly without pressure
Figure out what’s working—and what’s not
Explore what you’d need to see change to even consider staying together

Step 2: Coming Together & Choosing a Path

After the individual sessions, the couple meets together to review what’s been learned. Then, you choose one of three paths:

Path 1: Try Couples Therapy for a Set Time
Take divorce off the table and commit to a trial period of growth—typically 6 months. (Let’s work to save our marriage so we know we tried)
Path 2: Separate or Divorce
End the relationship thoughtfully, with support for a smoother transition. (We trust this decision)
Path 3: Stay Together As-Is
Decide to remain together without active change. This may be temporary or long-term.

Close-up of two people holding coffee cups, one gently touching the other’s hand

How This Is Different From Traditional Couples Therapy

Most couples therapy assumes both partners want to make the relationship work. But what if one of you isn’t sure?

That’s where Discernment Counseling comes in. Instead of jumping into problem-solving, we help you figure out whether that’s even the right goal.

It’s short-term—typically 1 to 5 sessions
It’s about clarity, not fixing
t gives both partners space to reflect privately

If, at the end of this process, both of you choose to stay and work on the relationship, then we can transition into traditional couples counseling.

Who is Right for Discernment Counseling?

Couples where one person is unsure about staying, and the other wants to work on the relationship
Couples unsure whether couples therapy is worth trying
People who don’t want to rush into a decision they might regret

This process isn’t about convincing anyone to stay. It’s about helping both partners understand their options—without pressure.

Our Approach

We use the core principles of Discernment Counseling to guide couples through this process. The goal? No rushed decisions. No pressure. Just clarity.

If you’re at a crossroads and need a structured, supportive way to explore what’s next, we can help.

Not Ready to Decide? That’s Okay.

Don’t make a hasty decision.

Discernment counseling gives you a safe space to explore what’s next—without pressure or judgment. If you’re ready to take the first step, we’re here to guide you.

Call (949) 393-8662 Schedule an Appointment