Ever feel like there are different parts of you pulling in opposite directions? One part wants to take a risk, but another part panics. One part longs for connection, but another part shuts people out.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a powerful therapy model that helps you understand, heal, and integrate these different parts of yourself. Instead of fighting against them, you learn how to listen to them, understand their roles, and create inner balance.
IFS isn’t about blaming yourself for your struggles. It’s about getting curious. Because the truth is, every part of you—even the ones that feel self-sabotaging—exists for a reason.
At our practice, Internal Family Systems (IFS) is just one of the tools we use. We integrate it with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and mindfulness so you get a well-rounded, personalized approach to healing.
Our work is informed by the groundbreaking model developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz and the Internal Family Systems Institute. This approach understands the mind as made up of “parts,” each with its own perspective, emotion, and role.
For those interested in learning more, Dr. Schwartz’s book No Bad Parts offers a powerful introduction to the Internal Family Systems model and its compassionate view of healing. You can find it here on the publisher’s website.
IFS is based on the idea that we all have multiple parts inside us—different aspects of our personality that develop based on our life experiences. And at the core of it all, we have what’s called the Self—a calm, wise, compassionate presence that can help us heal.
IFS teaches that no part of you is bad. Even the parts that seem destructive (like anxiety, self-criticism, or avoidance) are actually trying to protect you in their own way. The goal isn’t to get rid of them—it’s to understand their purpose and help them relax.
1. Exiles: The Wounded Parts
These are the parts of you that hold deep emotional pain. Maybe it’s the part that felt rejected in childhood, the part that believes it’s unlovable, or the part that carries trauma. Exiles often hold shame, fear, or grief, and they want to be heard—but they feel too overwhelming, so they get buried.
2. Protectors: The Defenders
Protectors exist to keep those exiled wounds hidden. They step in to numb, distract, or prevent pain from surfacing. Some protectors look like perfectionism, people-pleasing, or overachievement. Others show up as avoidance, numbing behaviors, or even self-criticism. They believe they’re keeping you safe—but sometimes, they do more harm than good.
3. Firefighters: The Crisis Managers
When exiles get triggered, firefighters jump into action to shut down the pain—fast. This can look like impulsivity, emotional outbursts, addiction, or zoning out. Firefighters aren’t thinking about long-term consequences; they just want the pain to stop right now.
Step 1: Connecting With Your “Self”
At the core of IFS is the belief that you are not your trauma, your fears, or your negative thoughts. Those are just parts of you. The real you—the “Self”—is still there, calm and compassionate, waiting to help.
Step 2: Meeting Your Protectors
We start by getting to know your protective parts. What are they trying to accomplish? How are they keeping you safe? The goal is not to force them to change, but to understand what they need.
Step 3: Healing the Wounded Parts (Exiles)
Once the protectors trust that you’re listening, we can gently turn toward the wounded parts—the exiles. This is where deeper healing happens. You give those parts of you the attention and care they needed all along.
Step 4: Integration & Balance
As exiles begin to heal, protectors don’t have to work as hard. Their extreme roles start to soften, and you experience more inner harmony.
IFS helps you understand your inner world. Pairing it with other therapies helps you apply those insights to real life.
If you feel like different parts of you are constantly at war—or you struggle with self-judgment, emotional overwhelm, or trauma—IFS may be a powerful path to healing.
📞 Call us at (949) 393-8662 or 💻 Book online here to learn more.
The conflict inside you doesn’t have to keep running the show. Let’s help you build inner peace, together.