Hopefully, everyone answers this question by choosing “memories” when it comes to their significant other. But answering the question is one thing. Living life that way is quite another.
Most people are maxed out these days. We have so many more stressors than our ancestors could ever have imagined.
The high pressure of the times we live in makes it increasingly difficult to handle our emotions in a healthy way.
What can that lead to?
Big. Time. Drama.
But let Hollywood handle the drama—that’s their job. Drama makes for great movies but large amounts of it will royally screw up your relationship.
Agreed?
Good.
Here are three steps to cut the drama and create some kick-butt memories instead. It comes in the form of “stop, drop and roll”.
When You Feel Attacked by Your Partner: STOP
Let’s face it. It’s just a matter of time until your partner gets irritated with you about something.
It’s just life even in the best of relationships.
How you handle it is what matters. The first thing you’ll need to do is STOP!
Yes, you’re angry. Yes, you may even be right. But while you’re angry isn’t the time to iron things out.
An untold amount of damage can take place in a short of time.
Think about it: Would it be easier for someone to bust all the windows out of your house or install new ones.
Building up something that matters takes time and hard work. Destroying a relationship takes only moments and then you have to spend a long time cleaning up afterward.
Totally leave the situation if you must. Just calmly say that you’re too angry to talk about things right now but that you will once you cool down.
This is a step you’ll have to decide to do ahead of time. You’ll never choose it in the heat of an argument if you haven’t already made up your mind about “stopping”.
Next Is the “Drop” Step for Handling Conflict
Rolling on the ground is messy for someone in a fire. They’re going to get dirty.
Really dirty.
But they just don’t care because this is about survival. They’ll be able to clean up and worry about the condition of their hair later but now isn’t the time.
They’re way more focused on putting out the fire to care about their dignity. The drop stage is humbling.
The relational “drop” stage is dirty and tough but completely necessary. This is the stage where you step back and figure out how to put out the fire so you, your partner and family don’t get burned any worse than you already have.
It’s a time to work through why you’re upset and find a solution now that you’ve removed yourself from the fire.
It’s a chance to admit when you’re wrong. Try to look at the situation like your partner and a third party would look at it.
Ask yourself why you’re so upset and what you want. Most arguments are over dumb things. Everyone knows that.
But what many forget is that those volatile arguments over dumb things are signals that something bigger is causing a problem.
This can be a good time to get the help of a therapist if you feel it’s too difficult to sort things out alone. There’s no shame in that since we all need the help of others in life.
Time to Roll: Start Making Memories Instead of Drama
Talk through what’s bothering you together with your partner. Do your best to see things from their perspective without becoming defensive.
Resolved conflict can make your relationship even stronger. The relationship has been tested in major ways but still survived.
Not only do you roll out a new plan to handle conflict and problems, but you roll into a happier life together.
It’s truly exhausting always fighting and cleaning up messes. As this negative cycle fades out, you’ll have more time and energy just to enjoy life.
And that means you can create memories together instead of creating drama.
Let’s face it: no one likes drama. You don’t have to keep riding that roller coaster.
Still having trouble getting off the “drama coaster”? We can help.
It’s time to build memories that’ll make you smile instead of grimace!
If it is time for you to schedule your counseling appointment, you can do so online using our online scheduling tool, call us at (949) 430-7269, or text us.
