Editor’s Note: This post was reviewed and updated in June 2025 to reflect current research and clinical best practices around emotional abuse and gaslighting. At OC Relationship Center, we are committed to providing high-quality, trustworthy mental health information that reflects the lived experiences of our clients and the expertise of our licensed therapists.
Gaslighting: Warning Signs & How to Take Back Your Power
Gaslighting is one of the most insidious forms of emotional manipulation. It shows up in romantic relationships, families, friendships—even workplaces and cult-like environments. At its core, gaslighting isn’t about anger or conflict—it’s about control.
It causes you to question your intuition, doubt your memories, and lose trust in your own judgment. And here’s the scary part: even the most self-aware, insightful people can get caught in it. That’s the point of gaslighting—it works precisely because it erodes your confidence slowly over time.
Why Would Someone Gaslight You?
Usually, it comes down to power. Someone who gaslights is trying to gain control—of the relationship, the narrative, or your perception of reality. Over time, this can crush your sense of worth, making you second-guess yourself at every turn.
Common Gaslighting Tactics to Watch For
Let’s break down some of the most common strategies gaslighters use—because seeing them clearly is the first step to breaking their spell.
Obvious Lies (Repeated Until Believed)
They lie to your face—even when the truth is obvious. And if they repeat it enough, they hope you’ll eventually believe it.
Questioning Your Sanity
“You’re imagining things.”
“You’re not thinking clearly.”
This tactic is designed to make you look and feel unstable—even when you’re simply reacting to mistreatment.
Acting Superior
They find your insecurities and use them against you. Whether it’s your past, income, or something personal, the goal is to build an imbalance where they hold the power.
Attacking Your Core Identity
They chip away at the parts of you that matter most—your parenting, values, or relationships. The goal? Undermine your confidence in who you are.
Random Positive Reinforcement
Just when you’re ready to walk away, they throw in a compliment or a kind gesture. It keeps you emotionally off balance—and doubting whether it’s really that bad.
Words and Actions Don’t Match
They say all the right things… but their behavior tells another story. Gaslighters are often charming on the outside, but dismissive or cruel when no one’s watching.
Isolation
They try to separate you from friends, family, or even coworkers. If they can erode your support system, they increase your dependence—and their control.
How Gaslighting Affects Your Mental Health
Gaslighting isn’t just “drama.” It chips away at your self-esteem and can leave you feeling anxious, guilty, and chronically unsure of yourself. Even recognizing that it’s happening can take time—and a lot of emotional energy.
If you’re wondering, “Is it me? Am I overreacting?”—you’re not alone. The fact that you’re asking that question shows you’re self-aware. And that’s something gaslighters fear.
How Therapy Can Help
At OC Relationship Center, our licensed therapists specialize in helping people recover from emotional abuse—including gaslighting. We’ll help you reconnect with your instincts, rebuild your self-worth, and learn how to recognize and respond to manipulation.
We offer individual counseling, as well as couples therapy when both partners are committed to changing harmful patterns.
Take the First Step
You’re not “too sensitive” or “imagining things.” If something feels off, it’s worth paying attention.
If you’re ready to talk to someone who truly gets it, we’re here.
- Schedule a confidential appointment today
- In-person therapy in Newport Beach and Orange
- Online sessions available throughout California
