Are you too picky about the men you choose to date? If so, this can be a challenge if you’re searching for a long-term relationship.
You certainly don’t want to overcorrect if you decide you’re too choosy. You risk the pendulum swinging so far the other way that you’re not picky enough.
For obvious reasons, that could be dangerous to your future wellbeing. But so can being too selective.
Do you worry that you’re too picky when it comes to dating men? Here are some signs that you may be.
You’re Looking for Perfection in Your Future Man
Are you looking for perfection in the men you want to date? These impossible standards will lead to plenty of disappointment.
Affairs often are fueled by the “delusion of perfection”. You see each other at your best.
You don’t have to deal with the nitty gritty details of life that can drain your batteries. You know, the everyday ups and downs that all committed couples go through.
If you want a real, committed relationship, it’s important to remember something: The best-case scenario is that you’ll get with a very flawed person just as you also are far from perfect.
Essentially, you’re still looking for a diamond in the rough. But those can be hard to spot because they’re…well…rough.
“Perfection” isn’t what you’re after. Rather, you want to find someone committed to continually improving as a person. Someone who will also help you to improve as a person over the long haul.
The best way to gauge this is finding a man who’s in touch with his flaws and wants to change. Beware of men who are completely blind to their faults. Some men may view denying shortcomings as “manly” or “macho”. The truth is that it’s actually a sign of great weakness.
Real manhood involves a man looking deep in his soul, seeing all the things he didn’t want to see and then working to improve. It takes a lot of courage to be that kind of man.
As Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” If you find a man unwilling to examine his life (and change), both of your lives will be miserable—they won’t feel worth living.
That’s because there’s a deep need in each of us for personal improvement.
Committed relationships are about becoming better people together over many years (working to knock the rough edges off of each other while remaining best friends). Expecting perfection at the start of your journey of improvement simply isn’t realistic.
Expectations for Your Prospective Guy are Higher than those You Place on Yourself
This point is related to the first one. You may have crazy high standards for your potential man but mostly or completely let yourself off the hook.
You deny your need for personal growth but put your potential mate under a high-powered microscope.
Not only will these cause problems in the dating process, it will also upend your future committed relationship. Both parties will need to be transparent and willing to change for your relationship to survive and thrive.
Yes, be discerning about who you’re willing to date. But also be discerning about who you are becoming. Make sure that you’re growing the character traits in yourself that you desire in your future man.
Those Closest to You Think that You’re Too Picky
Always take others’ advice with a grain of salt. You’re the one who has to live with the good or bad consequences of your choices, after all.
That said if those closest to you say you’re too picky about the men you date, at least consider they could be right.
Your closest friends aren’t always right but sometimes they can be dead right. This may especially be the case if several from your inner circle have made this observation without consulting each other first.
Finding a man to commit to is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. The goal of this article definitely isn’t to convince you to be flippant about who you choose to date.
Rather, the goal is to give you a balanced dating perspective. If you’re too choosy, you’ll wind up perpetually disappointed or worse, all alone.
Struggling to find the right man? It’s not a bad idea to get some unbiased, professional guidance as you work through such a monumental life decision.
The OC Relationship Center can help you to navigate important life crossroads with confidence. You can schedule an appointment today at our Mission Viejo or Newport Beach locations. Or call us today at 949.220.3211