Editor’s Note: This post was reviewed and updated in June 2025 to reflect current research and relationship therapy practices. At OC Relationship Center, our therapists work with couples navigating disconnection, resentment, and the desire to reconnect after years together.

How to Fall Back in Love with Your Spouse

For many couples, the early spark fades into something quieter—and sometimes, something distant. The butterflies are gone, replaced by routines, responsibilities, and maybe a little resentment. You still care… but you don’t feel that spark. You might even wonder if it’s still possible to fall back in love with your spouse.

Here’s the good news: that loving feeling isn’t gone—it’s just buried under the weight of life. And it can be reignited.

At OC Relationship Center, we help couples find their way back to each other. Whether you’re feeling disconnected, frustrated, or just flat… it’s possible to rekindle warmth and connection.

Rekindle Appreciation

When you first fell in love, you noticed everything: their laugh, their thoughtfulness, even the way they held your hand. You probably complimented them often, smiled when they entered the room, and made time to connect.

But somewhere along the way, appreciation turned into assumption.

The fix? Start noticing again. Gratitude doesn’t have to be grand. Try texting a thank you for something small. Compliment them when they’re not expecting it. Let them overhear you speaking well of them.

Small efforts build momentum—and emotional safety.

Lead With Generosity

Falling back in love starts with remembering that love isn’t just a feeling—it’s a set of choices. When you act with care and kindness, even without expecting anything in return, you not only nurture the relationship… you also feel better about yourself. And when you feel proud of how you’re showing up, it’s easier to connect, easier to forgive, and easier to be seen. Holding on to resentment can create emotional distance that feels unsafe to your partner. That doesn’t mean tolerating hurtful behavior—it means acting from your best self, even when things aren’t perfect. That shift alone can start to soften the space between you.

One of the fastest ways to reignite closeness is to stop keeping score. When you do something for your partner without expecting anything in return, it sends a clear message: “You matter.”

Ask yourself:
What small act of kindness could I offer today, just to make their life easier?

It could be finishing a chore they hate, picking up their favorite coffee, or offering a quiet moment of affection. The act doesn’t have to be big. The shift in energy will be.

You Don’t Need a New Person for Passion

The “I guess we fell out of love” story is common. So is the temptation to look elsewhere for excitement. But here’s the truth: passion doesn’t come from novelty—it comes from attention.

The same focus you might give to a new relationship can be turned back toward your spouse. When you bring curiosity, affection, and energy into your current relationship, it often responds.

Is It Disconnection—or Something Deeper?

If you’re feeling flat in your relationship, it’s worth asking: Have I fallen out of love—or am I depressed? Sometimes what looks like fading romance is actually emotional numbness caused by burnout, grief, or unaddressed mental health concerns. A trained therapist—whether through individual counseling or couples work—can help you sort through the difference.

It’s Normal to Need Support

If you’ve tried to reconnect and still feel stuck, you’re not alone. Many couples need a guide to help them navigate resentment, rebuild trust, or just learn how to enjoy each other again.

Therapy isn’t just for “crisis mode.” It can be the path to rediscovering why you chose each other—and learning how to fall back in love with your spouse with intention.

Ready to Reconnect?

If you’re ready to rekindle the spark and rebuild your connection, we’re here to help. We offer:

• Marriage Counseling
• Couples Counseling
• In-person therapy in Newport Beach
• Online sessions available across California

Schedule online or call us at (949) 393-8662.

You don’t need to start over. You just need to start again—together.