Dating or staying married to the same person can get, well, dull. No matter how much passion was evident in the beginning, no matter how many times you swore the thrill wouldn’t dissipate, life happens and boredom sets in. While the restlessness is nearly inevitable, there are many things you can do to ignite the flames. With a little imagination and the tips we’ve outlined below, we’re confident you’ll be able to rekindle at least some of the excitement you once knew.
Speak your partner’s love language
Sometimes one partner seems to be speaking Chinese while the other only knows French. One person keeps showing affection while the other just wants a thoughtful gift. This form of miscommunication is very common, yet also very damaging. Fortunately, it’s also easy to fix. Check out Gary Chapman’s book “Five Love Languages” to better understand your communication style when it comes to love; then ask your partner to do the same. Learn how to show love so that your partner can “hear” it.
Change the routine
Seeing the same four walls can get boring; doing the same thing repeatedly can become tedious as well. In the spirit of making things more lively, change the routines you have grown accustomed to. If you always vacation at the ocean, try a trip to the ski resort instead. If you always wear a t-shirt to bed, experiment with lingerie. If the waiter knows your name at a particular restaurant, sample one you’ve never been to before. If you’re seeking something a bit more adventurous, try wearing a sexy wig or pretending to meet your partner for the first time. Having new experiences, from dining choices to sexual positions, increases your brain’s dopamine levels, thereby leading to an increased connection with your partner.
Eliminate the screen in the bedroom
Few things kill romance as quickly as the glow from a television, iPad, computer or phone. Banish those things and spend time focused on each other instead.
Talk through problems with someone not involved
It’s easy to continue rehashing the same problems over and over. Like a broken cd that is stuck on repeat, we tend to get stuck in the same fighting habits as well. It’s helpful to hear how other people deal with the problems we experience because it can provide us with new approaches to our situation. Having a change in approach can oftentimes bring about new results. Moreover, talking to someone outside the relationship can help put things in perspective without relying solely on your partner for all communication needs.
Whenever you try to rejuvenate a relationship, keep in mind that the only person you control is yourself. Try to maintain a positive outlook as you grow and change, but also recognize that there are times when it is just best to say goodbye.