Working through Infidelity

The most common reason for breakups, separations, or divorce is infidelity.  Some people feel that infidelity is a deal breaker; there are no second chances; the marriage is over; no discussion needed; pack your bags and get out.  There are not many worse things than finding out your partner has betrayed you by having an affair.  It is arguably the hardest thing to get past and the hardest thing to forgive.  But it can be done.  It takes a very strong, committed person to be able to work through the process of forgiving the person who cheated while healing your own heart.

Working through the betrayal issues has to be a commitment made by both partners.  If you are the victim of the affair, you may feel that they can never trust again.  You probably doubt yourself, your confidence has declined, and you are embarrassed.  Your heart is broken, you feel betrayed.  So what will you do to get through this time in your life?  If you are the partner who cheated, you may or may not want to move forward and ask for forgiveness.  You have a long road ahead to prove that you can be trusted and that truthfulness will be required in your relationship.

Both partners have to desire to move forward to work through the issues at hand.  First and foremost is restoring trust, which will not be a quick or easy task.  Both partners need to commit to many things.  Start by being honest and communicating with each other.  Be responsible for your actions, be reliable, and always be on time.  Do what you say you’ll do, without reminders.  Commit to showing love to each other by touching, hugging, and kissing.

Never lie by omission.  Lying by omission is not telling your partner something that happened because you either don’t think it’s important or you want to spare your partner’s feelings.  For example, if you stopped to pump gas at the convenience store and the person you had an affair with drives up to pump gas in their vehicle, should you tell your partner?  Absolutely; even though you know it will be uncomfortable or may upset your partner.  If you don’t, that is an example of lying by omission.

Restoring your relationship will take a lot of time.  There is no timeline for recovering from infidelity.  This may be the worse time of your life and the worse emotional hurdle you will attempt to conquer.  If you are suffering as the result of infidelity, you may want to reach out to a professional where you will be taught techniques to support an open, honest relationship.  Let the professionals at the Relationship Center of Orange County help you.  Schedule your appointment online using our online scheduling tool, call us at (949) 220-3211, or text us.

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