Are you a Manipulative Control Freak?

There will never be a relationship that is perfect.  At some point in time one or the other person will annoy, hurt, or agitate the other.  It’s human nature.  So, what is a person to do that is being annoyed, hurt, or agitated by the other?  Nag?  Stop talking?  Leave?  No, no, and no.  What do most people do?  They nag the person who is on their last nerve.

Nagging is not something that will produce a positive change or result to a problem; in fact, nagging may make it worse.  Nagging is when a person repeatedly finds fault with someone or complains in an unforgiving manner with the intention of causing displeasure or embarrassment to another person.  This act can cause the person being nagged to be upset, to shut you out, or to become angry.

Nagging is unhealthy for many reasons.  First and foremost, nagging seems to indicate dominance and comes off as everything you say is supposed to be done by the other person because you are in charge.  Really?  Along with dominance comes resentment, negativeness, and criticism.  Are these really the things you want going on in your relationships?  The more you nag, the more your significant other will shut you out.  Nagging is done by manipulative, controlling people.  If this is something you practice regularly, it can be very damaging to your relationships.  Nagging relates to what is wrong with your partner, making your partner feel inadequate.  Inadequacy creates hostility.  It’s a never-ending circle.

Take a good look at the conversations you have with your spouse.  If your spouse has accused you of nagging, or if you know you nag, you need to stop.  It’s doubtful that you married your spouse to make yourself superior in the relationship.  Communication is everything in any relationship.  The sooner you stop nagging, the better your marriage has of standing the test of time.  Here’s how.

Just stop.  Easier said than done?  Okay, choose to stop by toning it down until you can get a grip and find another alternative to nagging.  Determine if whatever you’re nagging about is worth destroying your relationship.  Knowing you can only change yourself, choose to stop nagging so you aren’t damaging your spouse’s self-esteem and causing turbulence in your marriage.  Realize all the negativity that will be removed from your relationship if you stop nagging; i.e., resentment, dominance, criticism, hostility, etc.  The list goes on and on.  Wouldn’t you rather have a marriage based on trust, commitment, compliments, and emotional harmony?  Of course you would.

Overcoming nagging can take a long time, but is well worth the effort.  Once nagging is completely out of the picture, your marriage can develop into a loving, partnership.  If you are working hard in order to change your behavior but are still struggling after some time, you may find you need some help dealing with how to stop nagging.  This is when you may want to reach out and let the professionals at the Relationship Center of Orange County help you. 

Let us help. Schedule your appointment online using our online scheduling tool, call us at (949) 220-3211, or text us.

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